Fuck.

I am feeling that more and more of the time I'm missing out on the fun.

Im not cool enough.

And then sometimes I feel really cool,

but somehow I can't feel cool all the time.

I want to be cool.

Yes, you heard me.

I want to be cool enough.

The Little Mermaid

Why is it called the little mermaid? She's a full grown woman. We all know this.

My brain feels mushy.

And not the good oatmeal-ly kind either.

Sometimes I make myself think very bad thoughts, thoughts that would make me change everything I have for something completely different. Sometimes I want exactly what I'm thinking, but I always remember to remind myself that it would never work, that it was never meant to be and I would be the one who killed everything I had to be nothing in the end.

But still. I stay up late at night thinking about it. Maybe I could help it if I really tried, but mostly I just want to hold on to the feeling, and even the small memories I have of...almost..and..maybe.

And other times, it just makes me want to cry. And no one really understands because most of the people I know knew me in high school and so all they know is what they saw of me there. I guess in a place with a whole lot more people I dont really measure up like I used to. I guess I'm not really impressive at all, or if I really ever was in high school. Maybe I wasn't at all. Maybe I'm pretty god damn jaded and I never looked beyond my nose.

It's just a little sad. That you can't always be what you thought you were going to be when you inivisioned what it could be like.

So now all I can do is dream a dream that will not come true. I have no chance. I don't have what it takes and all I can say is...yeah. I was there, yeah. I was one of the girls on the inside.

Because you know, not many people can say that.

So I kind of, live in the past, no matter how lame and sad that makes me.

Im just a throwback to an exciting moment in my own life, that I relive over and over again.

Babble.

I am grumpy.

I am a grumpy angry bitch.

I'm such a bitch I hate myself for being a bitch and tell myself to stop.

I'm not surprised that like...all college students are depressed.

Not one little bit.

If you have five apples...

This weekend? It was a rough one. I just wanted to take a nap. And nap and nap and nap.

So..I have no homework done yet, but hey...I'm a college student, I can go hang out for a few hours tonight and then do my homework at one a.m.

Why? Because no one cares.

Its my grandmas birthday on the 9th. Shes turning 57. I am going to buy her something from the bookstore. Because I can.

My answer for a lot of things lately is because I can.


Because I can.

The Best Creeper I Know

If I look out my window I can see her window, and I wonder...Is she creepin in there?

Its liz. And forever more during the night I will wonder if shes busy creepin.

Don't get me wrong, she doesn't mean to creep, but she just can't help it. And one day...one day that roommate of hers will find out.

You see...liz's bed is taller than her roommates bed, and at night when she tries to get a little sleep she sometimes accidentally stares at her roommate across from her.

I do hope that one day her roommate will wake up and find an awkward staring liz and so from then on every time they interact...it will be awkward. Very awkward.

Liz is my favorite creeper.

The end.

(I think that by writing this I am also a very large creeper, and I'm just okay with that.)