Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
small rant to self.
So here I am. Just kind of sitting around staring at things. Not doing anything but the bare minimum. Not concerned enough with the consequences. Look at me. Sitting here typing this while I have homework to do and lies to email my professors. I can't even make myself get the motivation to lie to save my own ass.
I can't even pick my classes for next semester because every time I go to look...I can't pick. I don't know what to do.
My room's a mess. My head is a mess. I'm hungry and I don't even feel like getting up to feed myself. I don't feel like reaching over to turn on the tv. There's no music. There's nothing but me sitting here staring at this screen. Not having a damn thing to do but all the things that are piling up that are supposed to be done. Sitting here.
My future just looks like a big black hole from here. I don't really know what I want to be. I keep throwing my ideas out the window. I want to be a teacher...but where to start? Where to start?? I don't have the motivation to find out!! I'm just sitting here.
I'm getting discouraged so fast. I'm waiting for the floor to drop out. Urgh. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm a big blob of nothing.
And everyone is leaving me.
He says he loves me. That he wants me to be his wife. Those are the small joys of my days. But he's not here. And I am. Lonely as fuck. Stupid as can be. Sitting here. Shit. I'm failing life. Shit!
Don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know. I need to start over. I need to get up.
I can't even pick my classes for next semester because every time I go to look...I can't pick. I don't know what to do.
My room's a mess. My head is a mess. I'm hungry and I don't even feel like getting up to feed myself. I don't feel like reaching over to turn on the tv. There's no music. There's nothing but me sitting here staring at this screen. Not having a damn thing to do but all the things that are piling up that are supposed to be done. Sitting here.
My future just looks like a big black hole from here. I don't really know what I want to be. I keep throwing my ideas out the window. I want to be a teacher...but where to start? Where to start?? I don't have the motivation to find out!! I'm just sitting here.
I'm getting discouraged so fast. I'm waiting for the floor to drop out. Urgh. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm a big blob of nothing.
And everyone is leaving me.
He says he loves me. That he wants me to be his wife. Those are the small joys of my days. But he's not here. And I am. Lonely as fuck. Stupid as can be. Sitting here. Shit. I'm failing life. Shit!
Don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know. I need to start over. I need to get up.
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